(Hey Everyone! If today’s topic of confusion resonates, I’ve got an offer for you in the PS below.)
For you, what’s been confusing these days?
Ever noticed how the experience of confusion is right there in the word itself: con (with) fusion (mixing). The latin roots of confusion carry connotations of pouring together, blending, or mingling.
Con-fusion is the state of being mixed.
It’s where our thoughts get bunched up, our priorities jumbled, our perceptions clouded.
It’s when our thinking and feeling overlap. It’s when we can’t distinguish between our thoughts and emotions, and when our desires and fears blur into a single, muddled mix.
How to deal with confusion.
Without being simplistic or cheeky, the antidote to con-fusion, is, well, de-fusion.
You increase clarity by finding ways to reduce the fusion.
You begin to make distinctions.
You start sifting and sorting (rather than smooshing and sloshing in your mind and heart).
You get all of it it outside of yourself.
Perhaps you have a journalling practice or maybe you’re a post-it power user with serious game. These kinds of methods help. It’s why James Clear asserts, “Writing is the antidote to confusion.”
Yes, and. I think that many times we need additional help to get the muddled mix outside of ourselves.
It’s the simple and hard act of speaking your experience to another human. Friends, Coaches, Counsellors.
When we are able to give language to all that’s firing and fusing in our minds, very often we find our own way out of the fusion.
This is because we can think many things at the same time (hello ADHD friends) but we can only say one thing at a time. It’s why we’ll often say things like, “it was just helpful to talk that out for 15 minutes.”
When we are able to talk it out, we experience ourselves as unified rather than disparate. In the act of speaking we are able address the incoherent parts inside us and bring them out, into coherence.
What might be needed for you to start separating what’s currently fused?
To name all that’s going on and
look for patterns and
find causes (or not) and
define the ideal scenario and
carefully weigh options and
get clear on what you actually want and
discover what you really need and
be seen, heard, and understood.
Attempting to do all of this up in your head, is impossible.
Attempting to sift and sort through confusion while up in your head, is like attempting to unload the groceries from the car, while staying up in your second floor bedroom.
You gotta get down there and begin to unpack it all.
You must speak your life.
It takes practice to become conversant with all that is going on inside you. It also takes courage to bring your con-fusion into the company of another.
But when you are confused and stuck in a single loop, the simple act of speaking your life has a way of breaking things open.
Speak it out, so you can sort it out. Then you’ll be able to work it out.
Quote
Here’s a quote from British novelist, Doris Lessing:
“Do you know what people really want? Everyone, I mean. Everybody in the world is thinking: I wish there was just one other person I could really talk to, who could really understand me, who'd be kind to me. That's what people really want, if they're telling the truth.”
Question
If you were to give yourself the gift of some time and space, what would you most want to say? And when you were finished talking, what else would you add? And, what else?
Poem
Things Get Complicated
For example, the toaster needs to be cleaned, and taking it apart, the last screw loses its thread, and I can’t take the bottom off completely or put it back together. But it was my grandmother’s toaster, and I’m not ready to get another. But no one will fix it, and I can’t figure out how to. So I stop having toast for a month until I can accept it’s time to let it go. And somehow, though I feared I’d lose something dear, I strangely feel closer to my grandmother. Because it was never about the toaster. Relationships are like this. There are times we can’t take them apart or put them back together, and we have to live in between until our dreams of relationship lose their thread. Then our sense of worth appears with the sudden realization after loss that we’re somehow closer to things anyway. What I’m trying to say is that moving through the world is inevitably complicated, while being in the world by its nature is simple. When in the midst of complication, we’re asked to return to direct living, which means: to say what is true when it is true, and to hold things gently. Mark Nepo, from Things That Join the Sea and the Sky
Thanks for reading,
Lance Odegard
unstucking.co
P.S…If you’re in the midst of confusion and could use some space to sift and sort, let me know. Much of my work is coaching—being a thinking partner to help people go from cluttered to clear. It’s my joy getting to parter with a wide range of people looking to unstuck their creativity and career. Reach out and let’s explore what it could look like to work together.
Hi there! 👋 My name’s Lance - I’m a writer, coach, and learning designer from Vancouver BC, Canada. In this publication, you’ll find a growing archive of resources for those looking for creativity fuel to keep moving and making. Thanks for stopping by.
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Thanks Lance for this weeks post. It touches a cord in me that has been out of tune for to long. I look forward to your weekly unstuck thoughts.